Many of us grew up in families where three generations coexisted happily and productively.  But this was in an earlier age. Not anymore.

Today as larger families break up into smaller units, and with divorce and separation fragmenting relationships even further, the care of life at both ends of the spectrum has become increasingly tenuous.

If this is so for children, it is especially so for older people.

We now take for granted that specialized care for the terminally ill is necessary and that this is best done in a hospice, not at home.

So the aged are taken away and disconnected from the young and the middle-aged, and when they die, they die alone or among strangers.

Earlier the aged were respected and looked after in their families. Often they were opinionated and troublesome, and sometimes they required constant care, but that they had a place in the home was never questioned.

"There is little space given to cultivating healthy and helpful relationships"

Why has this changed today?  Perhaps the answer clearly reveals the ambivalence of modern life.

In many ways people today live with more freedom and opportunity. Technology has made life easier and more comfortable — even if it has also made it more expensive. But there’s a change of perspective: life’s ideals are seen in terms of achievement, especially monetary success, and the status which goes with it. There is little space given to cultivating healthy and helpful relationships.

Traditionally, relationships were fostered in the family. Today with single offspring and single parenting, families have undergone a radical change, and there is less and less space, even here, for nurturing relationships.

So in spite of the obvious successes in other aspects of modern living, something has gone horribly twisted here. The growing incidence of drug abuse, child abuse, unwanted pregnancies, alcoholism, marital infidelity, and divorce — all point to instability of relationships in the family.

This re-appears at a larger social level in urban crime, ethnic discord, and racist hostility. Those who bear the brunt of such malfunctioning are usually the youngest and the eldest — especially if they are female.

Let’s take a moment to consider the scenario of the aged in India.

In 1950, just after independence, the average life expectancy in India was just 36 years.  Sixty years later, the 2011 census tells us that it has now increased to 65 years.  In that year (2011), there were 39.7 million 70-year-olds in the country, 3.28 percent of the population. Of these 20.3 million were women. As to be expected 70 percent of these lived in rural areas.

For most people in India aged 70 or more, therefore, the most positive aspect of their lives may be that they have in fact survived.

"Every second elderly [60 plus] person in India suffers from abuse within their own family"

But how have they survived?  How do we treat our senior citizens?  In a word, shamefully.

Most Indians tend to think that they live in a society in which family values and respect for the aged are present everywhere. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

The Global Age Watch Index ranks India as 71st out of 96 countries related to care for the elderly. What does this care consist of? 

Three things, mainly: an adequate provision of health services, a supportive infrastructure, and most of all, independent economic means.  The lack of finance is the most significant — barely 10 percent of the aged receive even the paltry 200 rupees (US$2.5) per month pension scheme instituted by the government. 

The NGO HelpAge India in its annual report of 2014 discovered that every second elderly (60 plus) person in India suffers from abuse within their own family. This abuse is verbal, physical and emotional, and the overriding cause is the older persons’ economic dependence on their children.

Among those who are 70 years or older, a particularly hard time is had by women.

First of all, many of these are widows (80 percent according to the 2011 census). This is not surprising, since women have a better physical survival rate and therefore a longer life expectancy than men. But in India, it is nearly impossible for them to re-marry given the persistent social disapproval of widow re-marriage.

Most of these aged widows are poor, and sometimes desperately so. One of the reasons for this is that until fairly recently most housewives never worked outside the home, and thus very few had any employable skills in the marketplace.

"Most Indians sincerely, though foolishly believe that their customs and values are far, far better than those of other cultures"

Besides, as women, they are usually precluded from financial awareness and economic power within their families. So finding a job and sustenance in later life become even more difficult. Also, since most inheritance patterns are patrilineal, women possess few assets and fewer savings, thus increasing their dependence upon their relations.

Indian society’s treatment of widows is perhaps unmatched in cruelty anywhere. Abandonment of widows is common, but so is open aggression against them. And not just widows, the situation of aged and unmarried single women is as acute.

Part of the tragedy is living in a country that is still locked in a time warp of its own making. Most Indians sincerely, though foolishly believe that their customs and values are far, far better than those of other cultures, and especially superior to those of the ‘West.’