There’s a lot more compelling rationale to explain why elderly parents wish their children to start a family
Japanese parents and pupils are pictured on the way to school in Tokyo on April 22, 2022. (Photo: AFP)
In recent years, Japanese newspapers have been flooded with stories highlighting the perceived "harassment" faced by women who reach the age of 30 without having children. The mainstream media has portrayed this issue as a widespread problem, shedding light on the Japanese societal and family pressures faced by these women.
However, something that is always missing from the picture is the motivation behind the concerned parents' behavior. Are their actions driven by an outdated societal expectation, or are they genuinely concerned about their daughter's well-being, hoping to ensure they do not end up regretful?
Recently two stories came out from a national news outlet. The first story follows a sculptor who says she never wanted children but felt pressured to conform when faced with the declining birth rate. She eventually said she found solace in her art hoping to leave a legacy through her work.
The second story featured a nurse in her 40s who is unmarried and childless due to infertility. She grapples with societal guilt and questions the value society places on motherhood. The article overall highlights the increasing number of women who are choosing not to marry or have children and emphasizes the importance of recognizing diverse family structures and lifestyles.
It is interesting that amid these stories of psychological tribulation, we always fail to hear the perspective of the parents, the people who for at least 20 years have contributed to the well-being of their children including a very costly education.
When parents express concern about their children staying single, it is not solely out of selfishness as most simplified explanations want to convey. Sure parents may feel a sense of responsibility to carry on the family name. They may worry that if their child remains single, there won't be a continuation of the family lineage or a direct link to the past.
Every year thousands of people die alone 'kodokushi,' completely ignored by all, even by their neighbors"
Parents may desire to become grandparents and experience the joys of having grandchildren. If their children remain single they will never become grandparents and enjoy the familial bond that comes with it.
There’s a lot more compelling rationale to explain why parents wish their children to have a family.
First of all, parents may worry about their child's long-term emotional well-being and happiness if they remain single and childless. They may believe that having children can provide companionship, and a sense of belonging that contributes to overall life satisfaction.
Parents may also rightly worry about who will care for their child in their later years if they remain childless — the lack of a built-in support system that typically comes with marriage and having children. Their child may face increased challenges and loneliness as they age.
These are worries that typically a modern woman in her 30s rarely thinks about, being too occupied with a future career and casual relationships. But there will be a time when she will have to face these challenges. No wonder in Japan every year thousands of people die alone "kodokushi," completely ignored by all, even by their neighbors. And not all of them are men and elderly people.
All the above are very real worries. So why are parents who express these natural qualms about their children’s future being called “harassers?”
The term "harassment" has been extensively used by the media to highlight viral narratives surrounding unmarried women over the age of 30 who have not yet had children. But portraying only one side of the story is a very biased and superficial way to analyze complex social dynamics.
Understanding societal dynamics of this type implies not ignoring the solid reasons why Japan's traditional values have long emphasized the importance of marriage and family. It is only within the mainstream media's narrow scope that a potentially colossal social predicament in the coming years — a whole generation of desolate, lonely therefore vulnerable women — has been cheaply dealt with, and therefore “resolved” by framing the whole quandary as full-fledged harassment.
It is important to consider whether this perceived harassment is primarily a result of societal pressure or a genuine manifestation of familial care and concern. As the country faces a severe population decline and an aging society, the choice to remain childless is not only unwise and undesirable for the country as a whole but also for the very well-being of the people who decide to opt out of the supreme “skill” they were naturally gifted with — motherhood.
*The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official editorial position of UCA News.
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